what motivates you?

i’m 14 weeks into training for my first marathon. i’m no stranger to running or competing.  i played competitive soccer for most of my life, i’ve run two half marathons and a handful of shorter races over the last two years.  devoting time and energy to training is not a foreign concept for me, and it’s not in my nature to do things half-assed.

so i was a little worried a few weeks back when my weekly mileage peaked to 48-52 miles and i just wasn’t feeling it.  life had gotten a bit chaotic, the weather on the jersey shore really sucked and i was having a hard time finding something to get excited about in the morning.  after a couple training runs that felt like i was basically forcing my legs to move through quick sand i started freaking out (because that’s the kind of calm, reasonable person i am).

why did i think i could finish a marathon?  i’m not in running shape.  who knows if my body can even handle this kind of physical stress?  what if i can’t finish and i have to DTF?  that would be so embarrassing, maybe i shouldn’t even do this.  i’ve only told a few people i’m doing this and they aren’t really even invested in it so it wouldn’t be a big deal, they aren’t even excited about it anyway.

i kept going with my training anyway, keeping that safety net in the back of my mind – i could always quit.  then i saw this video: UNBROKEN on Janae’s page (after days of stalking her previous posts).

Accept where you are and the responsibility that you’re going to take yourself where you want to go.

that one video forced me to remember what exactly it is that i’m working for (thanks Mateusz M). and reminded me that i didn’t sign up for this race to win my first damn marathon, just to finish.  to finish even if i am crawling over the finish line in front of a bunch of strangers.  and be proud as hell of myself for doing it.  i worked my ass off for the last 14 weeks to bring myself to the starting line on may 1st with 600+ miles under my belt, 15 long runs and a shit load of useless knowledge on marathon training.

my motivation from the start was to challenge myself.  prove that i could do hard things.  just try something different that i wasn’t confident i could do.  and i’m doing all that already.

so bring it on 26.2 – let’s do the damn thing.